Many people enter the holiday season with a little trepidation. There can be times of stress involved- shopping for gifts, crowded malls, wrapping oddly shaped presents. Extended family dinners might include tension- whether it comes from difficult relationships or the challenge of getting all the side dishes to be ready at the same time! Many of us are aware of our “triggers”- the things that can affect our mental health in a negative way. Recently, I have been reading about the work of Deb Dana, a therapist specializing in complex trauma. She noted that while our bodies can hold and store moments of trauma, our nervous system is also “beautifully created to supply a never-ending stream of glimmers”. She coined the expression “glimmers” to describe micro-moments that teach the nervous system to experience safety and connection. These feelings activate the ventral vagus system allowing health, growth and restoration.
We can be biased toward negativity and this is a necessary part of survival: to perceive threats in our environment. Focusing on the threats will set off a response of “fight or flight” from the sympathetic nervous system, or the “freeze” response when escape seems impossible. In stressful times, it takes conscious effort to notice moments of beauty, peace and joy to regulate the nervous system. This can be developed by training yourself to pay attention to “glimmers”.
Glimmers are described as a sensory experience that boost one’s ventral vagal energy, however briefly. It might be the smell of a favourite meal, a beautiful sunset, the texture and smell of clean bed sheets, a warm hug, the sound of crickets on a summers night, or the sight of twinkling lights on a snowy branch. They can catch you by surprise- to run into a glimmer and be transported back to a happy childhood memory. I can come across the smell of a mandarin orange and distinctly remember sitting on my parents bed and opening my Christmas stocking to find this (at the time) exotic fruit buried in the bottom. With that smell comes the feelings of excitement a child has on Christmas morning. However, instead of waiting to be surprised by a random smell to evoke memory, you can seek out glimmers throughout your day to help ease you from survival mode to peace and safety.
Dana describes “different flavours of glimmer”. Some feel magical, awakening a childhood memory. Some bring safety, peace or joy. By making it a practice to notice, name and collect glimmers throughout your day, you can fan these sparks into a glow and strengthen your ventral-vagal regulation.
Kerry Dolan wrote an excellent article outlining how to identify your glimmers. In Dolan’s words, “The more you tune in, notice, name and bring these experiences to conscious awareness, the better you’ll become at shifting from a surviving state to a thriving one.”
Here are some suggestions to help you identify your glimmers:
- What activities bring you to a place of bliss? Become aware of micro-movements that feel good- stretching out in bed, stepping in to a warm shower, walking barefoot on sand
- Who makes you feel safe and calm? Make a list of the people in whose company you feel most at ease. Include pets, distant or lost loved ones. Our memories can be comforting.
- Where do you experience a sense of awe, magic or peace? Certain types of nature- forest, beach, mountainside, gardens- will create these in us. What about them calms you? Think about how they look, feel, smell or sound.
- Think about something that triggers you and puts you into survival mode and then think about what glimmer has the power to bring you back from your survival response? Maybe it’s a memory, or a place, or an activity.
Once you become more aware of your glimmers, you can include more of them in your life. Dolan had some great suggestions on how to cultivate and curate them:
Plan who to meet. Notice how people make you feel and endeavor to connect with those who bring you peace. When you can’t avoid the company of someone who triggers you, find balance with something that connects you to your ventral system.
Make a glimmer playlist. Music can be a fantastic way to access positive feelings. Listen to music that makes you feel good, notice the experience it brings and create playlists that reflect the different flavours of glimmer that can be felt.
Get out in nature. This is a common anchor into feelings of safety and connection. Take yourself to a nearby outdoors spot- that could be a beach, river, mountain, meadow, forest or city park. If that isn’t possible, look up at the sky, care for a plant, observe the cracks in the pavement or marvel at the changing seasons.
Carry essential oils. Smell is the most primitive of senses, often bypassing the conscious reaches of the brain. (Hence my mandarin orange). Identify the scents that soothe and calm you and carry essential oils to recreate these scents.
Curate your social feeds. Follow those accounts that lay trails to peace and safety and unfollow those that trigger you.
Place mementos in prominent positions. Put reminders of your glimmers in your home, car and workplace. These may be photographs, or plants, or rocks and pieces of driftwood.
Programme your screensaver. Rather than a default setting, add photos that have positive memories or associations as your screensaver. They might include landscapes, smiling loved ones or funny memories.
Make glimmer detours. Go out of your way to add a glimmer to your day. Drive by a place with a special memory or drop in to see a trusted friend and savor a moment together.
Share your glimmers. Create a ritual where you share the glimmers and highlights of your day with loved ones or write them in a journal.
As we go into this holiday season with the array of twinkling lights, let us each develop our ability to see and notice the glimmers around us. Allow them to instill in us safety, health, growth and restoration for the season, and in the year to come!
For more information on Deb Dana and her work, visit rhythmofregulation.com.