As I was thinking about an article for this month, I watched an excellent video on Facebook of a commencement address at NC State by graduate, Kelsey O’Connor, class of ‘23. She addressed the question that many new graduates face, “What are you going to do next?” Many people face this question when they are going through transition in their lives… graduating from school, changing jobs, retiring. Now that Dr. Corey is working at the office and doing such a great job, I get asked all the time what my plans are? And no, I’m not retiring now. Having Corey-in-the-house has increased my longevity, as I can take more time off and leave my practice members in his capable hands. I’m staying around.
Kelsey addressed the question of “what are you going to do?” and described how many of us define ourselves by the roles that we play. Our labels. I know of people who had their situation change and “lost” their label, through a job loss, a relationship change, or a change in life circumstance. These people sometimes struggle with their identity as a result. Some people have a hard time when they retire and feel they have lost purpose. When COVID hit, one friend told me he was miserable as he was at home and not working and not feeling productive. Kelsey describes how she entered school as an athlete, and would define herself based on the things she did as a student. After a serious concussion that ended her softball career, she struggled to re-learn how to speak and could no longer prove herself through her performance of any kind.
Kelsey addressed the issue that the important question we face in life is not “What do we want to do?” but “What do we want to be?” She describes the work of healing herself, in part, by changing the way that she saw and spoke about others. Instead of looking at “labels”, she looked at the person’s attitude, the way they treat others and what makes them uniquely beautiful. She would introduce and describe her roommate, not as an engineer, but as a kind, independent adventurous person who cares deeply about her family.
John Lennon famously tells the story that in school he was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. He wrote down “happy”. Apparently they told him he didn’t understand the question, and he told them they didn’t understand life.
If you would like to hear Kelsey’s address, I have posted it on Shaughnessy Wellness’ Facebook page. Whether or not you are facing a coming transition in job or retirement looms ahead, it is a healthy exercise to define yourself by who you are and not what you do. I like Kelsey’s example of identifying qualities in others and highlighting them over that person’s job.
Members of our practice fill out a health questionnaire when they start care and repeat the same health survey at reassessments. It has the obvious questions in it about pain and stiffness, but then it has strange questions about “life enjoyment” that people often wonder why we are asking. These questions are based on a study of 2800 patients who saw changes in all of these areas of health while undergoing Network Care. This is why we have patients rate “level of compassion for others” and “interest in maintaining a healthy lifestyle” or “incidence of feelings of joy and/or happiness”. The greater the brain:body connection, which we are strengthening with Network Care, the more the person as a whole can function in a healthy manner.
This summer, I encourage you to focus on what you want to be over the labels that try and define who you are. I like Kelsey’s criteria- “attitude, the way we treat others and what makes us uniquely beautiful”. Make sure you get in to the office for regular tune ups and maintain that brain body connection so that you can fully live out the person that you want to be.